The Self-Esteem Syndrome

I've been thinking lately, in light of our political economic situation in the US, about a phenomenon that somehow insinuated itself into the American culture when I was a relatively young person, say 35 or so. The self-esteem of our children became, gradually probably, of paramount importance in all contexts--home, school, social, religious, athletic, whatever. It became increasingly impermissible to do anything that anyone could conceive might have a negative impact on our children's self-esteem. Do you remember this phenomenon? Is it still in play among young families?

At any rate, we taught our children that sporting events were not competitions, but instead were opportunities to try hard and to do our best, however feeble that might be; to not worry about winning/losing, but to enjoy the activity. At the end, no matter who won or lost, everybody was a winner. Everybody got a ribbon, or a trophy (of cheap gilded plastic), a pat on the back, an attaboy. And so we lost our ability, and failed to teach our children the ability, to distinguish quality from a lack thereof. Everything was equally valuable and laudable. I believe this phenomenon had a lot to do with the "dumbing-down" of our educational system. After all, we wouldn't want a student's academic failure to affect his/her self-esteem. So let's find a way to reward, and pass, everyone, whether or not they can read or add 3 and 2. We must not discriminate, even on the basis of competence. To do so verges on child abuse. Recently on the news there was the story of a teacher who duct-taped the mouth of a teenager who simply would not shut up in class. Newscaster/psychologists were outraged, demanding that the teacher be fired, that psychological help be immediately provided for the teenager lest her self-esteem plummet to the depths. When I was in first grade, my inappropriate conversation led to a scotch-taped mouth, coupled with sitting in the corner. I was embarrassed to even mention it to my parents, because it would reveal that I had done wrong in school. Was my sense of self-worth ruined forever? Well, not by that! There was no psychological help for poor little Nicky.

Is anything more at odds with the reality of the adult world than this phenomenon? A coddled, self-esteem stimulated child graduates grade-school in cap and gown, then from a dumbed-down high school with honors, then from a dumbed-down university magna cum laude, to enter the real world of cutthroat, slash & burn competition. What a disservice has been done to this young person. Do such young persons rapidly shuck off the illusions of youth and learn the game, or do they continue to believe that even their failures (not to be called that of course, because they tried hard after all) are worthy of promotion? Do they forever resent their parents, who failed to teach them the first thing about how the world really works? I think here of some of our politicians--yes, many young and of appropriate age--who achieve positions of prominence, rapidly destroy the progress made by their predecessors, then claim that what they have done qualifies them to run for president of the US (here think Tim Polenty; Michelle Bachman; George W Bush although a bit old; Sarah Palin (who quit her governor's post in Alaska)). Think of Christine whats-her-name in one of the Carolinas (the one whom Bill Maher so despised), Sharon Angle in Nevada. Think of our Arizona legislators now, and some of the bills they create. The self-esteem of these people is Everest high; their accomplishments are sand dunes, and in some cases sink holes.

Is the proliferation of i-devices (and i-marches) somehow tied to this phenomenon? I-phone, I-pad, I-pod, I-life. Is the increasing self-centeredness of American youth a consequence? Is this a world-wide phenomenon, or a creation of America? Is this related to the inexorable decline of the academic performance of American students (we're well down on the world list now)?